Don’t Be Eeyore - lifehack.org
A lot of what's negative in our lives we impose on ourselves. This article talks about how not to do that.
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7/25/2007
Don't be Eeyore
Don’t Be Eeyore - lifehack.org
A lot of what's negative in our lives we impose on ourselves. This article talks about how not to do that.
7/14/2007
"should be" versus "is"
“Should” is the most stressful word I know. It is the sound of expectations unfulfilled.
“I should be able to handle this.”
“I should be a homeowner at my age.”
“I should be able to support my family on my earnings.”
“I should be cleaning the house right now.”
Unrealistic expectations are one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives, because we get all set up about what should be instead of dealing with what is.
One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to banish “should” from our lexicon. First, think about whose expectations are reflected in those “should”s. Now substitute “want” for “should”. Note that I said “want”, not “need”. If you have a roof over your head and are eating more or less regularly, “need” is pretty well taken care of. Treat anything else as a “want”.
When you put the word “want” in place of the words “need” or “should”, it’s easier to get a useful perspective on it. Who wants it? Do you? How badly do you want it? What does it do? Will a part of it serve, or do you want it all? What can you do to make it happen? This brings your head back to what is, and what you can do to affect it.
It may be that what is really sucks, and it may be that you can’t change it right now. In which case, how important is it, really? Can you get around it? Can you skip it? Is there another way to take care of that want? Can you get help with it?
All we can do is what we can do, and getting wrapped up in what “should be” doesn’t change that. It just gets us upset for no reason. When you hear “should” in your head, give yourself permission to say “Fuck it; I don’t need that”, and go on with your life.
“I should be able to handle this.”
“I should be a homeowner at my age.”
“I should be able to support my family on my earnings.”
“I should be cleaning the house right now.”
Unrealistic expectations are one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives, because we get all set up about what should be instead of dealing with what is.
One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to banish “should” from our lexicon. First, think about whose expectations are reflected in those “should”s. Now substitute “want” for “should”. Note that I said “want”, not “need”. If you have a roof over your head and are eating more or less regularly, “need” is pretty well taken care of. Treat anything else as a “want”.
When you put the word “want” in place of the words “need” or “should”, it’s easier to get a useful perspective on it. Who wants it? Do you? How badly do you want it? What does it do? Will a part of it serve, or do you want it all? What can you do to make it happen? This brings your head back to what is, and what you can do to affect it.
It may be that what is really sucks, and it may be that you can’t change it right now. In which case, how important is it, really? Can you get around it? Can you skip it? Is there another way to take care of that want? Can you get help with it?
All we can do is what we can do, and getting wrapped up in what “should be” doesn’t change that. It just gets us upset for no reason. When you hear “should” in your head, give yourself permission to say “Fuck it; I don’t need that”, and go on with your life.
7/02/2007
Mother-Daughter Bonding
I love my daughter; I always have, although the whole mother-child thing was hard for us. Well, mainly it was hard for me. I've never really been the "mommy" type, but I did my best to give her the tools she'd need to function in the world, and I do seem to have done so.
Now that she's 21 (as of about a month ago) and officially an adult, we're free to just be the friends we've always been, and we like it that way. Instead of me telling her what to do, we can ask and offer advice of each other, and enjoy our common interests. This past Friday, we went to a local pub, for what we thought would be drinks and bar food. It's the first time I've been to this particular place, even though it's only a block away, but it won't be the last. It turns out to be a pretty good German restaurant, which carries imported German and Czech beers. So, it wasn't the outing we were expecting to have, but it was a nice dinner, and we had a good time. We'll do drinks and bar food some other time.
Now that she's 21 (as of about a month ago) and officially an adult, we're free to just be the friends we've always been, and we like it that way. Instead of me telling her what to do, we can ask and offer advice of each other, and enjoy our common interests. This past Friday, we went to a local pub, for what we thought would be drinks and bar food. It's the first time I've been to this particular place, even though it's only a block away, but it won't be the last. It turns out to be a pretty good German restaurant, which carries imported German and Czech beers. So, it wasn't the outing we were expecting to have, but it was a nice dinner, and we had a good time. We'll do drinks and bar food some other time.
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